What a fucking waste of an outfit
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
