Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
