today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
