i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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