I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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