Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
