Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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