Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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