yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
