Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm always down for nudity.
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