Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
