how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
