Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
