Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
