i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
