The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
