Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
