Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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