Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
