Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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