I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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