you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
