hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
