You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
