I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
