Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
