Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
