I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
