gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
