Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She even gives head with a lisp.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
