I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
