oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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