I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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