how can u be prego again
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
