I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
