Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
