So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I deserve this hangover.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
