Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
