Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
