please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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