I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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