We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
