I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
