Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
