yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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