everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
