I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
