Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
