I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
