The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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