If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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