Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
