I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
