Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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